Brains Of Britain - Richard And Judy

Richard And Judy
Richard:

Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:

Forrest Gump.

Brains Of Britain - GWR FM (Bristol)

GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter:

What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:

I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

Brains Of Britain - Phil Wood Show (BBC Radio Manchester)

Phil Wood Show (BBC Radio Manchester)
Phil:

What's 11 squared?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Phil:

I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:

Is it five?

Brains Of Britain - University Challenge

University Challenge
Bamber Gascoyne:

What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant:

Goosey?

Brains Of Britain - Beacon Radio (Wolverhampton)

Beacon Radio (Wolverhampton)
DJ Mark:

For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:

I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

Brains Of Britain - The Weakest Link (BBC2)

The Weakest Link (BBC2)
Anne Robinson:

Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:

The Conservative Party.

Brains Of Britain - Late Show (BBC Midlands)

Late Show (BBC Midlands)
Alex Trelinski:

What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:

France ..

Alex Trelinski:

France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:

Oh, um, Benidorm.

Alex Trelinski:

Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:

Sorry, I don't know.

Alex Trelinski:

Just guess a country then.

Contestant:

Paris ..

Brains Of Britain - Beg, Borrow Or Steal (BBC2)

Beg, Borrow Or Steal (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston:

Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:

Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:

There's a clue in the title.

Contestant:

Leicester

Brains Of Britain - BBC Norfolk

BBC Norfolk

Stewart White:

Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Stewart White:

I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:

Arm

Stewart White:

Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:

Strong.

Stewart White:

Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant:

Louis

Stewart White:

Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

Frank Sinatra?

Brains Of Britain - University Challenge (BBC2)

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:

What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'? 

Contestant:

Homosexuals.. 

Jeremy Paxman:

No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you

Brains Of Britain

This next series of short clips are taken from programs (radio and TV) in the UK.

Some of the contestants responses will leaving thinking how did this person survive long enough to be able to talk let alone appear on a quiz show!
So here goes

Interesting Facts

Here are some interesting facts, I will not guarantee that they are all true, but they are a bit of fun.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Hardly seems worth it.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

Now that's more like it!

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

O.M.G.!

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

In my next life, I want to be a pig.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

Creepy.I'm still not over the pig.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Don't try this at home ; maybe at work.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

Honey, I'm home . What the...?

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Something I always wanted to know.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Hmmmmmm.......

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

Okay, so that would be a good thing.

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

I know some people like that.

Starfish have no brains.

I know some people like that, too.

Polar bears are left-handed.

If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?

Extracts From Letters Written To Local Councils:

Extracts From Letters Written To Local Councils:


These are all genuine extracts form letters sent to local councils.

• It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
• I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
• I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
• Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
• I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
• My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
• I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
• Will you please send someone to mend the garden path.  My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
• I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
• 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
• I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
• The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
• Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
• Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
• I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
• The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
• Our kitchen floor is damp.  We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
• I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
• Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
• I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
• This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
• My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
• He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more!

Words Of Wisdom

Words Of Wisdom - Aspire to inspire before you expire.

The Best Short Joke This Year!

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.

Answer Message

I dialled a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the Beep.
If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."

What is the difference between confident and confidential?

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential."

Customer Complaints

A women asks man who is traveling with six children, "Are all these kids yours?"
The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.

Elders

Elders
I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.

Words Of The Day - Dickinson Holiday.

Dickinson Holiday - That unmistakable orange glow of the fake tan that has been put on a little to strongly.

Words Of The Day - The Irony Of Life.

The Irony Of Life is that, by the time You're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

Word Of The Day - Frustration.

Frustration - is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

Words Of The Day - Millennium Domes.

Millennium Domes - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. Extremely impressive when viewed from the outside but there's actually nothing in there worth seeing.

Words Of The Day - Picasso Bum.

Picasso Bum - A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

Words Of The Day - Tramp Stamp.

Tramp Stamp - Tattoo on lower back of a female.

Words Of The Day - Tart Fuel.

Tart Fuel - Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

Words Of The Day - Mystery Bus.

Mystery Bus - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

Words Of The Day - Monkey Bath.

Monkey Bath - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

Words Of The Day - Stress, Tension And Panic.

What's The Difference Between Stress, Tension And Panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Word Of The Day - Greyhound.

Greyhound - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Words Of The Day - The Oh-No Second.

Words Of The Day - The Oh-No Second. - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (e.g. You've hit 'reply all').