A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Tell me, I'll forget; Explain to me, I'll remember; Involve me, I'll understand.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Garden Path Sentence

My next series is called 'garden path sentence' an example is "She looks as though she's been poured into her clothes, and forgot to say 'when'." - P. G. Wodehouse

From wikipedia

A garden path sentence is a grammatically correct sentence that starts in such a way that the readers' most likely interpretation will be incorrect; they are lured into an improper parse that turns out to be a dead end. Garden path sentences are used in psycholinguistics to illustrate the fact that when they read, human beings process language one word at a time. "Garden path" refers to the saying "to be led down the garden path", meaning "to be misled". According to current psycholinguistic theory, as a person reads a garden path sentence, the reader builds up a structure of meaning one word at a time. At some point, it becomes clear to the reader that the next word or phrase cannot be incorporated into the structure built up thus far: it is inconsistent with the path they have been led down. Garden path sentences are less common in spoken communication because the prosodic qualities of speech (such as the stress and the tone of voice) often serve to resolve ambiguities in the written text.

Brains Of Britain - Steve Wright In The Afternoon (BBC Radio 2)

Steve Wright In The Afternoon (BBC Radio 2)
Steve Wright:

Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant:

Jesus.

Brains Of Britain - The Vault

The Vault
Melanie Sykes:

What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:

Nostalgia.

Brains Of Britain - Phil Wood Show (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood Show (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood:

What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:

Er... ..... ..

Phil Wood:

It's got two syllables . .. . Kor .

Contestant:

Blimey?

Phil Wood:

Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . ..

Contestant:

(Silence)

Phil Wood:

OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . .. ...

Contestant:

Walked?

Brains Of Britain - Daryl Denham's Drivetime (Virgin Radio)

Daryl Denham's Drivetime (Virgin Radio)
Daryl Denham:

In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:

Holland ?

Daryl Denham:

Try the next letter of the alphabet..

Contestant:

Iceland ? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:

No.

Brains Of Britain - Lunchtime Show (BRMB)

Lunchtime Show (BRMB)
Presenter:

What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant:

Jewish.

Presenter:

That's close enough.

Brains Of Britain - Paul Wappat (BBC Radio Newcastle)

Paul Wappat (BBC Radio Newcastle)
Paul Wappat:

How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):

Fourteen days.

Brains Of Britain - Chris Searle Show (BBC Radio Bristol)

Chris Searle Show (BBC Radio Bristol)
Chris Searle:

In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller:

Japan ..

Chris Searle:

I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:

Er ....... Mexico ?

Brains Of Britain - James O'Brien Show (LBC)

James O'Brien Show (LBC)
James O'Brien:

How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:

Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth .. ER. ER ... Three?

Brains Of Britain - The Biggest Game In Town (ITV)

The Biggest Game In Town (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre:

What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:

Magna Carta?

Brains Of Britain - Rock FM (Preston)

Rock FM (Preston)
Presenter:

Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo DA Vinci.

Contestant:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Brains Of Britain - National Lottery (BBC1)

National Lottery (BBC1)
Question:

What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant:

The Pacific..

Brains Of Britain - Richard And Judy

Richard And Judy
Richard:

On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:

Er. ... ...

Richard:

He makes bread . . ..

Contestant:

Er .. .......

Richard:

He makes cakes . . ..

Contestant:

Kipling Street ?

Brains Of Britain - Lincs FM Phone-In

Lincs FM Phone-In
Presenter:

Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:

Barcelona ..

Presenter:

I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:

I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain ...