I would love to help you out. Which way did you come it?

Men socialise by insulting each other, but they don't really mean it.
Women socialise by complimenting each other, and they don't really mean it either.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. :- Mark Twain.

If you can not fix it with duct tape or a whisky it ain't worth fixing.

Bumper sticker .:- My middle finger salutes you.

Nappies & politicians should be change often, both for the same reason.

Save the planet. I say why? The planet is file, the people are fucked!

Christmas is cancelled. Apparently, YOU told Santa that you have been GOOD this year. He died laughing.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

Sarcasm .:- bacause beating the crap out of people is illegal.

A politician was seated next to a little girl on an plane when he turned to her and said.

Let's talk. I have heard that flights go faster if you talk to your fellow passengers.

The little girl, closed her book that she had just opened, said to the stranger.

What would you like to talk about?

Oh, I don't know,

said the politician,

How about global warming or universal health care?

He replied smugly.

Ok, those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff.
Grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you supposed that is?

The little girl asks.

The politician surprised by the little girl question, thinks about it and says.

Humm, I have no idea.

The girl replies

Do you really feal qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?

Bumper Sticker .:- If you can read this I'm not impressed. Most people can read.

Never stand between me and my coffee!

When you think you are screwed, just think we are all on a big wet ball, floating in the dark.

Life is not like a box of chocolates. It is more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today might burn your ass tomorrow!

I an not deep,
I am not an intellectual,
I am not an artist,
I am not a critic,
I am not a poet,
I just have internet access!

Excuse me. which level of hell is this?

Your face is just fine, just put a bag over that personality.

If you are confused and agitated then my job here is done.

If you have not grown up by aged 50 then don't have to.

Stupidity should be painful.

No women has ever shot a man whilst he was doing the washing up.

Bumper Sticker .:- If you can read this I'm not impressed. Most people can read.

Don't mess with me. I know karate,kung fu,judo,tae kwon do, jujitsu and 30 other dangerous words!

Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog!

Gone Insane!  Back Soon. :)

I always five 100% to work.
15% on Monday
20% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday.

Life is short. Smile whilst you still have teeth!

Cleaning a house while the kids are at home is like shovelling snow whilst it is still snowing!